Sabar itu Payah

Apa ada pada masa hadapan?
segala2nya..
apa ada pada pengalaman?
segala2nya..
apa ada pada aku?
(scrounging)...
tadappappappaaaa...

ah persetan!!
hidup aku sekali..
mungkin ini tanda aku harus ketempat tuju yg lebih bagus?
atau mungkin ini tanda aku harus hidup bersederhana?
to what the future holds..
i leave it to my fate..
sebab aku dah buwat yg terbaik..
dan aku xpnah give up..

someday its all gonna make sense..
assured as my past has fence..
all the path that i could not follow..
there were another path which will shadow..
at which is better suited..
at which my heart feel appreciated..

dan aku percaya itu..
dan aku berfikiran optimistik..
dan aku harus bersabar..

tapi sabar itu payah..

tapi alhamdulillah untuk mereka..
mereka yg bergelar family ku..
dan dia yg bergelar 'hidupku'..
sentiasa berada di belakangku..
menceriakan hari2ku..

sabar itu hanya separuh payah

~hidup itu roda~

.Laundry.

maw hantar baju pegi dobi..
like normally i would on friday evening..
but alas..


kdai dobi da tutup..


jap..kire boxer dlm drawer..
fuh..luckily ade side a and b..


haha..



xpnah aku wat keje xsnonoh mcm tu..

haish..
xpn sok aku pegi beli boxer baru..
skali pegi mph..
novel hunting..

.About Marriage.

'He's just not that into you'..

makes me realize..
for a marriage to work..
its up to the guy to decide whether he is ready or not..
lets face it..
woman are not afraid to commit..
but guys may be a bit distance on that..

what makes him not ready though?
the chances of seeing someone better..
someone hotter..
someone who can satisfy his needs..
typical right?
be it westerners or easterners..
the case prevail..

coming from a broken family..
now it made me think..
i wouldn't want to make the same mistakes my dad made..
so i ask myself..
have I found the one?
someone that fits the equation?

the answer is.....







yes...







and she goes by the name of NADIRA..


believe me..I KNOW..


p/s: from the moment that I first saw her......there's this magic..and I can't describe it..

.Needing Nadira.

I am sorry for the way i put u through..
All the harsh words that u have to listen to..
I didn't meant to hurt u..
how could I let it slip through..
and now I am alone and blue..

please forgive me baby..
daddy loves u..

Why do Women Cheat?

Found this over the internet:-

Feeling Lonely in a Relationship

Feelings of loneliness are one of the most common reasons which lead women to cheat on their partner. Though it may seem a contradiction to say that a woman feels lonely within a relationship, she may feel that the relationship is not emotionally fulfilling. This can be particularly problematic if her partner is deeply involved with his work or his friends and leaves her to spend a lot of time alone. Balancing time between work and friends outside the relationship will help her feel wanted and stop her from feeling inclined to seek attention outside of the relationship.

Feeling Taken for Granted

While you may discuss the important day to day issues of your relationship such as work, household chores and family life, women often need to talk about more personal issues like life goals, dreams for the future and what you love about each other. This type of intimacy helps to build reassurance and stability in a relationship and will stop women from wanting to seek these important intimacies with another man.

You Are Leading Separate Lives

Though you started out on the same path together, your lives may have diverged so much that your partner feels you no longer have anything in common. If its come down to the point where she spends more time with her girlfriends than with you, it might be time to consider making an effort to spend time doing things together that you both enjoy. This will encourage her to be more attentive to you than her friends or another man who she may feel has more in common with her.

Revenge Can Be Bittersweet

If your partner has caught you cheating, then she is obviously feeling rejected, hurt and angry. If this is the case, then she may cheat as an act of revenge to try and compensate for these feelings. She may feel that she deserves to indulge herself to pay you back for your infidelities.

The Ego Needs Stroking

Sometimes women can feel insecure abut themselves and will cheat in an attempt to boost their confidence and stroke their ego. Sometimes they may feel that their partner is not giving them enough attention or attention in the way that they would like; this can lead them to seek the attention and flattery of other men which may develop into cheating.

---> Now I'm not making a sexist remark but its factual that even though women think that they are a loyalist, idealist and superior when it comes to loving compared to the male species, I have encountered few of those so called superior type whose proven that their words are wrong by their own action.

The thing that ticked me off is the last sentence. The ego needs stroking. Now woman claimed that they do not have egos and that male egos is the dastardly thing ever existed in this world. But in fact, those so called egos also lives in the lives of a woman. I can testify to that since me myself has the chance to meet these type of person (note that I'm not stating woman or man). My point is that, these flaws that female always brand the male for, actually occurs to both side of the sexes. Its just a matter who loves the other half more taking to mind that Love is suicidal.

I am wondering..why is it in any relationship there will always have a dictator?..why can't we have equality? where's the sense of sensitivity?

P/S: I have found my full stop. I hope this will work out. I pray that I will always remember the purple kebaya and not look at other dresses. I pray that this feelings affected both side that it goes straight and it goes true.

.About World.

Alhamdulillah..things has been turning for the better..

Amidst my hectic day at the office..i manage to slip a few minutes or hours to google for something thats out of my world..not because i want to turn from facing my problems at the office..just that lately a strange curiosity over famous people overwhelmed me..

I have been googling names from Greek Gods up to Sigmund Freud..well..i can say i have learned much about history and the figures behind it over these past few days and decent enough to say that i am awed by it..

The Conclusion?

Do note that this is a private opinion and it may not matter..but i realize just one thing..all these famous people..they didnt do it particularly to get recognized by a mere body of an organization or person..they did it and excel at it..because they really like what they doing..sure they have a higher IQ point that average people..but its not because of particularly that that they achieve their accomplishment..and the best of all..there's nothing mystic about them..they are all just a very normal human being except for some like leonardo da vinci who turns out to be quite the queer..haha..regardless..all of them has parents..some has bad childhood..some excel under normal supervision and condition..other than that..they are just a normal human being..

The differences between me and them?



They live a happy live living their passion..


and my passion?
other than her..well that is yet to be known...........

~~~10 little fingers and 10 baby toes~~~

.Procrastinate.

What has happend to me?..since when aku ilang sexiness aku ni?..hah!..bekerut2 aku try nk tido..xtido2 jugak..lack of sleep really changes a person attitude..bodolaa..b8r aku take my mind off of things..think happy tots..think happy tots..think tots..

sports..not sumthin that i can be proud of..aku xde achievement mnarik kat side ni..juz enuff yg aku bley main..tp plg aku minat..basketball..n fer wat reasons?..hah none other than slamdunk!..peh..gile matang aku ni..main basket sorg2 time ujan..tryin to recognize shots2..smp la 1 day..w/o even lookin at the basket..i can shoot 2 pointer..bt of coz..main sorg2 kn..so bl main ramai2..xlar hebat pn..huhu..bt im pleased ade sum1 approach n ajak join the skools team..i gez im not dat bad..ke da desperate xckp org?..dem!

then ive played petanque..i na not many na dis sports..xtaw nk pggl sports ke x..tp those were the memories dat i had..nk sijil punye pasal..kiterg 3 org join the skools tournament..wit the name "TNB Kelantan"..for watever reason kiterg choose name tu pn..aku stil wonder..tp aku ingt lg the cheers dat we got bile name team kiterg dpggl tuk trun main..gile a!..aku xpnah rase disayangi sebegitu ramai..hahahaha!..when all the other teams taruk name gile gempak..kiterg taruk name yg gile gonjeng..bt hey..i cud b proud taw..gonjeng2 pn..kiterg kalah dgn team skolah taw..hebat!

then of coz bola..dlu aku salu tendang tunjal..tataw nape..mesti nk flipkn my foot thumb b4 sepak bola..then sepak bola xtgk org..main pass je..ntah org tu kosong or x..aku xpdulik..aku xnak pgang bola lame2..tekanan beb org sme pndang ko..malu pn ade..tataw nape aku rase mcm tu..xske attention kot..bt now da xlar..taw aku xfit mane..tp i tend to use my head bl main..stil xpndai gelecek bt can plan how to move the team..jd lar..stil can score a goal o two..

skates..i admit aku minat gile skate..dat tyme lar..tp bile da jatuh tduduk n xde progress skills..aku gantung deck aku..huh..bkan mcm 2 snang aku nk let go..tp kalo da staun stgh asek ollie je..monyet pn giv up..tp tuhla..once my fren got this idea bernas..blakon jd peserta X-games..dafta name as freelance..then bila da dapt goodies2 Xgames..blah!..hahaha..stil got the bags,shirts,shorts, n some other stuff yg aku simpan kat umah..deck aku pn tah ape jadi tah kat umah tu..

so wat im tryin to say is dat..even im not dat good in sports pn..i stil got few good memories yg bley wat aku happy bl procrastinate mcm ni..aih..sjak bila aku mcm ni..aku pn xtaw..da tua makin bwat hal plak..hormon xstable lg kot..young at hearts..

.Hidup Perjuangan.

"Hidup adalah perjuangan tanpa henti-henti"
by dewa-19..

aku mental arini tuk kesekian kalinya..
aku xtaw ape yg aku nak capai balik awal pn..
n aku xtaw ape yg aku nak capai lepak Restoran PG denga engineer aku mengarut pn..
tp aku nk klua..
tuh yg aku taw..

bt now aku da kat umah..
aku da xtaw ape yg aku nk capai..
hahaha..
bodolaaaa..
susa jadi manusia ni..
xpnah puas..
instead of update resume (SUCK!)
aku tulis blog..
ape yg aku nk capai..
aku pn xtaw..

idup tanpa objective..
mcm idup dalam batu..
aku capai pulasan mak aku lg bagus..
tp ulcer la plak..
gile sakit bile die gesek kat besi..
DEM IT!
skarang ni nk senyum pn da mcm ape da..

aku mcm nk bwat sumthin yg extreme..
bungee jumping or skydiving..
kat new zealand..
sorg2 pn xpe..
lg aku suke..
tgk pics2 kawan2 aku pegi sane..
wallauweh!
saye mahu juge!
bt of coz..
aku idup dlam facts..
bukan akademi fantasia..
byk bende nk kene setel dlu..
tp tuhla..
once future aku da set..

New Zealand..here i come..

.Penat.

Im tired
Life keeps on messing with me

Maybe I shud write books
Atlez my mistakes can be corrected
And is written by only me

Jealousy, Regrets, Sad and Unappreciated
This is the feelings that i am waaayyyy better off






P/S: what shud i write?

.Sigh.

Darn it..
cant sleep for the fourth time of the week..
manage to pull up to 5hours max..
well atlez better than before..
but if these keeps on goin..
abes la badan aku..

shoots!

.Mental.

i have got a diary..
it is the place i run to rant..
made specially for me to pour my aching heart felt..
this is my void..
where all tangles are untangle..
where my knowledge is shared and my nonsense is valid..
this is my diary..

Dear Diary,
u meant a lot to me..
that u will never forsake me..
i am indebted to u..

cheers to all stress reliever...thingy!

.Shush heart ; it will past ; like it alwez did.

Org ckp..

building the foundation is the hardest part in life..

well..

it seems now..

aku terpakse agree..

sangat susah nk build foundation ni..

nk dapat tender susa..

dah dapat the tender lagi susa..

this is relationship orang kate..

ntahla..

aku ikhlaskan..

insyaAllah..

Dia maha adil..

so aku willing..

dan aku trime end resultnye..

after all qada' and qadar jugak yg akan tentukan..

hopefully akhirnya..

yg terbaik tuk aku..

akan dibagi kat aku..

meanwhile..

buatla yg terbaik tuk org lain..

pasrah..



p/s: where does the rainbow ends?

.Not Enough.

CoLd..

Stone Cold..




Life is cold..

Hadapi dengan tabah..

Hidup itu roda..

Kadang atas..

Kadang bawah..


perlukan teman bicara..

.MuSiCa.

Can't sleep..

trase sgt keseorangan..bukan xde teman..tp hanya nk dia..tp dia xde..so im shuttin myself off from the world..hah..such a loser..neway..time2 mcm ni..ape yg aku bwat?..heh..of course i turn to music..

Currently on my playlist: (while my mind wonder off to neverland)

1. After Midnight
2. Dan Sebenarnya
3. Miss Independent
4. Innocent
5. Somewhere Out There
6. Trees
7. Vindicated
8. Pari2 Di Bawah Angin
9. Stay

I na..typical..in fact aku rase xramai ske taste mcm aku..specially #4, 5, 6 and 7..fact is..aku ley kire ngan jari sape yg ske lagu2 mcm ni..not juz ske..bt smiles n humms along when he/she hears it..heh..its not sumthin yg i cud b proud of pn..to each his own rite?..ade yg ske genre lain..but me?..my soul i guess alwez have diz romantic place fer alternative bands..u na..post-nirvana nye band..i dun particularly interested in nirvana..but those bands yg developed after them..i stil found myself smiling when i hear songs from wallflower, our lady peace, oasis, suede, the verve, smashmouth etc..not many that aku cud list down..half of it..aku taw lagu je..band nye aku xtaw..bkn pasal aku xminat..tp ade certain stuff dlm life..aku ske biakn die dlm misteri..it makes it a lil mo interesting dat way..aku taw..tahpapetah..well..if aku ade philosophy dlm idup aku..it wud goes like diz..'a lil secret makes things incredibly spicy'..haha!!..had juz made diz up...sumhow likin it!

So whats makes a sounds superb in my ears?..hmm..i cud list down a few..(not gonna tho)..but the main thing is..it must have moments..like fer example..i smile on 'hitchin a ride-greenday'..cuz dat tyme i was studying (konon) fer my pmr n dat tyme sgt down..coz xdpat tgk cite ape-tah..frankly fer my pmr..aku xstadi pn..hahaha!..juz dat bile mak soh masuk bilik..yes aku masuk..n yes aku bukak buku..tp aku mniarap atas lantai mamar tu..then bukak radio cabuk mak aku punye time bujang2 dlu..(has to remember that i was raised wif pnuh kesederhanaan; no PS, no hifi..tv pn cabuk gile..)...then i wud tune it to hitz.fm..those time channel ni mantap gile..byk alternative songs die main..i loike!..bside dat tyme die satu je english channel yg gile2..(remembering flyguy)..so aku wud juz lay there n layan lagu2 dlm hitz 2..siap record kaset lg..haha..(it was a gud mix taw!..aku bet if aku jual kat pasar mlm time tu..mesti laku gile..ade bakat DJ terpendam kot..jauh melencong da ni)..but basically time aku tgh chillin konon2 stadi maut 2..ttibe kua dat song..haaaih..i stil remembered how catchy it sounded the first time hearing it..smp la ni..bt aku xcarik lg tu..aku bia je..i found it better dat way..makes me appreciate it more whenever i hear it..so everytime aku denga lagu tu pastu..mule la..buat gaye roxstar konon2 pndai main gitar..hakhak..

Neway..ape yg aku nk kate kat sini..aku sgt rindukan zaman alternative aku dlu..coz time tu la aku kuwa dari dunia aku..n those tracks dat i mention earlier..bwat aku nostalgic..hmm..bt dun get me wrong..nowadays pn stil gimme dat moment..like MUH-Pari2 di bawah angin..i dunno y but it makes me remembered prac kat kuantan dlu..not dat long ago la..bt still..stil remembered that rainy morning on which aku brunch sorg2 kat tgh bandar kuantan..kat oldtown kopitiam mkn mee kari pedas yum2!..tataw nape..tp sgt melekat dlm pale otak aku..

mayb sbb ryte now..aku keseorangan kot..

p/s: i love you

.Understanding Love.

Once

Questions keep contemplating..will i be a good lover?..will be a bore?..won't i be bored?..will my love stands through thick and thin?..will i be truly loved?..will anyone stand by my side through my ups and down?..

A question that is yet i could answer..but the glimpse of what i have with you in just these few months..makes me a believer..optimistic..

I wish i could show to you how much i am in love with you..finally..not just love..but companionship..damn me if i could understand half of what have happened..how did i get the nerves to approach you?..how did i manage to get your attention?..how did you finally manage to open your heart to me?..and lastly..why do i feel like we really do fit without me making adjustment?..

Yes..

I do not have to adjust myself when i am with you..i could just be me..and still be loved by you..this is dangerous..because now..the feeling of not having your existence right next to me..is contemplating me..

sangat perlukan kamu..

.SePi.

kosong

not feeling very well..
dont wanna talk to anybody..
sitting ere n waitin..
cant seem to get enuff of her..
n diz pics doesnt move..
i feel truly..

kosong

to love is to let go..
now im aching..
where's my 'pelangi'?
do have a great time my dear..
u deserve every moment with them..
and when we get back here..
please be mine again..

coz i am 'kosong' w/o you..

.end.

Jangan Main Remote

Ini bukan salah aku..
Bukan sebab aku tak buat yang terbaik..

Ini suma kerja Tuhan..
Dia dah tentukan tuk aku..
Cumanya..
Aku kena usaha lebih sikit dari orang lain tuk dapat apa yg aku nak..
Macam mane sebelum2 ni..

Aku bukan orang senang..
Hampir semua benda aku kena usaha lebih..
Tapi akhir jalan..
Aku tetap akan dapat yang terbaik tuk aku..

Dan aku akan gembira..

Ini semua hanya butang 'Pause'..
'Pause' bukan hakiki..

.Why So Thoughtful?.

Becoming an engineer..it is not actually that extravaganza by choice..it is something that happened..and for me who is yet to become a fully realize persona..do not think much of it..it is after all..just a matter of who you are..and how you handle your thinking..

it's all broke down to 4 basic question:

1. What
2. Why
3. Where
4. How

Just make sure you complete this question whenever and wherever you face a problem..then after that it is all about time management..

the reason why i am posting this is to remind me..when you actually living your expectation..well..you'll find there's not much to it..just you and how you handles your shoots..

the only one thing that does not apply to the said case..is HER..somehow after consecutive and prolonged time spent with her..i am still bound to need her...again..and again..and again..ah!..she is so addictive..have to control myself..i am a man..and a man must be able to maintain his macho'ism..HAH!!

L.A.Z.Y

Kemalasan melanda..

2-3 ari yg pnuh malas..
sbb lead engineer aku xdtg ofis kah?
sbb aku ingin cuti kah?
sbb aku yg mmg malas kah?

tp yg pasti aku malas nak bwat log book yg sudah ttunggak kesekian kalinya..
malas nk korek dalam tengkorak aku tuk kuarkan bait2 cinta kepada pihak HR..
OI!
xboleyh ke aku trus wat keje je..
xpayah bwat log book bolley x?

tp papepn..
malas2 aku..
aku stil rajen nk please si 'pelangi'..
aish!!
ur so far but so near..
skang baru aku paham maksud ayat tu..

-Kepuasan-

Aku PUAS bersama kamu..


juz got back from a very hectic, filled days with my love..
done things dat i have never ever did wit anyone else wit her..
3 movies back2back..
nasi lemak wif cendol..
watch hannah montana..
but all i can say is..
my days r full..
n i cud care less bout the world having post-kiamat symptoms..

Aku xperlukan thanx dari kamu..
hanya kamu yg aku perlu..

sok got tonnes of works to do..
faces to please..
papers to fill..
presentation summo..
bt my body stil react to her affection..
ah...i am in too deep..
n fer the 1st time ever..

aku sgt yakin dengan ini..
calit sikit sayang!

"i wont ever leave u..juz s long s u hav a place fer me in u"

..Bangga Diri..

Hari ini aku bangga dengan diri aku..yes i am..not because something that i have achieved..or even what i have gained..but more like..me being one in a million..not quite faizal tahir la kan..but still..the feeling's quite the same..

I had just learned today that among the four apprentices serving under Engineering-Instrument department..i was acknowledged by my superior Mr Kamal..do note that i heard this from my colleagues Maida after she went and see him to discuss about her presentation..the question that i asked..the work attitude..was totally recognized by Mr Kamal as something he has never been asked before and that he liked the way i explained things..wahaa..i have always thought that under normal circumstances..i would rat away and mumbled incoherently...did not quite expect someone...rather anyone to understand that rubbish nonsense..haha..well..being appraised like that..really mean something to me..

Regardless i am happy right now..having the love of my life as a lover..a bright opportunity in career..well..i can only hope that this does not mean anything will go south..i can only pray to Allah that whatever Dia has giveth me..is because he was testing my humility..and not because Dia want to befall me an unnecessary sorrow on which i can live without..

"Ampunilah dosaku..teguhkanlah hatiku..kuatkanlah mindaku..lancarkanlah lafazanku..supaya mudah aku menerima ilmu dan mereka menerima ilmu dariku..kurniakanlah sebaik-baik jodoh yg dapat Kau kurniakan padaku..dan janganlah Kau palingkan aku dari jalan-Mu..sesungguhnya Kaulah yang maha pengasih dan maha pengampun..lagi maha penyayang..aku hanyalah hambamu yang lemah"

p/s: i guess when you do something with clear conscious and sincerity..it DOES pays well *smile*

Layan Kelapa

aku sedang suka ini..

Berjuta rasa rasa yang tak mampu diungkapkan kata-kata
Dengan beribu cara-cara kau selalu membuat ku bahagia
Kau adalah alasan dan jawaban atas semua pertanyaan
Yang benar-benar kuinginkan hanyalah kau untuk selalu di sini ada untukku
Maukah kau tuk menjadi pilihanku
Menjadi yang terakhir dalam hidupku
Maukah kau tuk menjadi yang pertama
Yang selalu ada di saat pagi ku membuka mata

Oh..
Ijinkan aku memilikimu, mengasihimu, menjagamu, menyayangimu,
memberi cinta
memberi semua yang engkau inginkan
selama aku mampu aku akan berusaha
mewujudkan semua impian dan harapan
tuk menjadi kenyataan

Maukah kau tuk menjadi pilihanku
Menjadi yang terakhir dalam hidupku
Maukah kau tuk menjadi yang pertama
Yang slalu ada di saat pagi ku membuka mata

Jadilah yang terakhir
Tuk jadi yang pertama
Tuk jadi selamanya…

Maukah kau tuk menjadi pilihanku
Menjadi yang terakhir dalam hidupku
Maukah kau tuk menjadi yang pertama
Yang selalu ada di saat pagi ku

Maukah kau tuk menjadi pilihanku
Menjadi yang terakhir dalam hidupku
Maukah kau tuk menjadi yang pertama
Yang selalu ada di saat pagi ku membuka mata

Jadilah yang terakhir
Tuk jadi yang pertama
Tuk jadi selamanya….

Pilihanku by Maliq & D'Essentials

Hey My Heart!

hello my heart..
i wonder how ur day has been..
r u well..
r u feelin sad..
altho i am not visible..
u na dat im alwez close..
bcoz after all..
u r my heart..
w/o u..
my body is insignificant..


p/s : i noe..diz is not my sweetest poem yet..bt hey..it comes from the heart..

Ilham Is In Lurve

scary I know..
but I still love her from the depth of my heart..
now that I'm wiser..
I know dat she's the one I have been waiting for all my life..

all this feels like a dream..
did not quite expect that day to be the day she surrendered..*smile*
16th of May 2009..
gotta remember this date..
even have a movie ticket to prove it..
but darn it..
that day balik from work hujan pulak..
abeh basah the ticket..
shoots!

I have flaws Ann..
so much so that I am ashamed of myself..
but of all the flaws that I have..
I am only afraid of 1..
to not be able to treat u right..
please find a heart to forgive me if ever it happens..
and know that as of this moment..
I am forever yours

p/s: i you